woo hoo~!!

finally im back here blogging.

ya coz 'someone' is complaining liao.

u shld noe who u are lah ahh.

stop smiling to urself!!

lols.

=DD

im really busy for the past 3weeks.

firstly continued from my previous post.

my boy admitted hospital since 27 june to 30june.

for tat 4days.

visited him straight aft work.

and visited him during my off days.

its tiring.

but i dont mind.

den he went back for a minor operation on 3july.

its heartpain to see his hands is poked by so many needles.

sads

:(

but thank god.

he's fine now le.

(:

secondly although 1week i got 2off days.

but 1 of my off days i still went back store for my endless work.

and my previous off day i went back to learn a new task.

thanks james for spending his time to teach me.

and oso thank you for looking high on me.

(:

and of coz my the other off day is to spend with my boy.

im glad and thankful tat this mth james gave me 1 saturday and 3 sundays off.

so tat i can spend with my boy mah!

hee thanks boss~!!

and somemore for the past 3weeks almost all my shifts are morning shifts.

so have to slp early.

if not i will look like a zombie when i work if i slp less.

tats y i got no time to blog!!

=p

again there's 3 parties this mth.

lu's and raymond's.

and lilin's coming up soon.

hmm... ...

mentally tired~

physically tired~

arghh!!

i NEED help~!!

national day coming.

im really fear of national day.

its the first time in my life im scared of national day.

few yrs back when i was still working at kallang and national day celebration is at national stadium.

i dont rmb im scared of anything.

and now im at marina and national day celebration is at the floating stadium.

im really so very scared lor.

totally 2 very different feelings.

perhaps different position and different responsibility ba.

last time is like..ohh national day

got double pay.

manager asked to work.

so just work lor.

just tat i will nv forget all of us chiong out to watch fireworks.

haa.

hmm but now is like..wahh national day leh

die lah how ar got not enough crews.

hmm how much stocks do we need to order in so tat wont down products.

how and wat to do so tat tat day will run a smooth and success shift and business.

hais.

my feeling now is..how i wish national day wont come so fast.

stress ahh...

how to relieve stress?

-_-

ohh ya..

anyway i had passed my BTT on 8july.

hee.

my FTT is on 11sept(911)

wat a date...

i started to read thru thr book.

its so chim lor!!

omg~

wish me good luck ba~

for this whole mth.

i only get to see my boy for 5times.

isn't it sad?

ya im damn sad.

but wat to do.

make it this way..

wat can i do?

mon to fri 8am to 6pm he's in camp.

mon wed and fri 7pm to 11pm he's working.

he worked coz his ns pay cant support him well.

fri aft his work and sat is his free time.

which means he's out with his friends till late night.

only sun his time is mine.

for the past 2weeks few days b4 we met we quarrelled.

ya i hate it.

i always the cause of all quarrels.

but im happy tat for the whole of last week we did not quarrelled.

hee.

=p

hmm sometimes i just dunno y till now.

im still sensative as b4.

i dont like him when he is with his friends.

i always think tat he forget my exist when he with his friends.

i always think tat he dont care abt me.

i always think tat he dont understand me.

i always think tat dont miss me.

i always think...

i always think... ...

i always think... ... ...

we always quarrelled coz of all of these silly 'thinkings' of mine.

im like so childish.

im now trying not to have those silly thinkings.

so tat this weekend we meet we will be happy.

i had done it last week.

i believe i can do it always.

and finally 1day im not silly anymore.

(:

dear thanks for forgiving me again and again and again.

at times im really afraid tat u're really angry with me and u'll leave me.

but u did not.

i noe!!

coz u love me!!

hee.

=p

ohh anyway i had finally buy him a mp3.

he unhappy still coz he expected i will give him a surprise.

since he wanted a surprise.

i've got a surprise for him for the coming weekend.

he told me he wana buy the creative earpiece.

b4 he buy.

i bought for him liao.

haa.

=DD

im excited and looking forward to 6sept!!

=p

went kbox ytd with 1 of my crews.

i enjoyed k-ing!!

and i love to have more!!

jio me out for k okie?

hee.

=p

alright tats how's me for my 3weeks MIA-ing.

will try my very best to update soon okays?

those who bothers to read my blog are always being missed by me.

must miss me too k?

bleah~

=p

woke up 1plus.

wana slp longer but just couldn't get into dreamland.

y ar?

coz today im not tired?

haa.

put on facial mask.

very long nv mask my face le.

had my breakfast-cum-lunch.

surf net.

read blogs.

played games.

and now im blogging.

aft this im gonna get a short nap.

coz later im working 1030pm.

till tmr 7am.

im so damn afraid tat i will fell asleep while working.

haa.

think need to get my beanies to prepare lots of mochachino or hot chocolate or maybe iced latte for me to still awake for the whole night.

lols.

today im working graveyard with eric.

tmr im working ALONE~!!

omg~

now i can feel the fear of working this graveyard shift.

its like if in the middle of the night and there's sth happen.

who am i suppose to call and ask for help?

argh~

i dunno lah.

i pray and all pls wish and bless me nth will happen these 2days.

just received call frm boy.

saying tat he's at nuh now.

he keep saying tat he's alright.

but im so worry.

im so scared.

wat can i do?

yawns~

lazy me.

woke up and look at my phone.

shows 15:52

wow~!!

almost 4pm.

my goodness.

still rmb i woke up once abt 12plus and realised aisyah msg me at 7plus asking me store's phone num.

lols.

since its already 12plus.

i dont bother to reply.

den still rmb i msg my boy 1plus coz he nv call or msg me when he reach camp which he did tat almost daily unless im working.

but no reply frm him.

back to my dreamland.

den woke up abt 4pm.

think im tired ba~

woke up and continued my task.

managed to get slight good news.

as i said i wana go back store.

den made me think of going out with nina.

since tmr she's off and im wokring overnight tmr.

so today we can go out till late.

so i called her.

but i asked her out at wrong timing.

so we did not go out.

but still we talked on phone for abt half an hour.

haa.

den boy finally msg me abt 5pm.

he reached home le.

den we talked on the phone.

aft all my phone calls.

its already 530pm.

thinking of by the time i prepare myself to go back store.

think i wont be in time to be back home to watch the 9pm show.

so i decide to laze at home.

den just msg james how the outcome.

haa lazy me.

=p

boy needs to wake up at 3am and to reach camp at 4+am.

wth lor..

so im gonna wake him up at 3am.

(:

anw..

8july is my BTT.

wish my good luck ba

=DD

ohh ya~

boy says tat the cookies i made taste not bad.

my mum says not bad too except the chao ta taste.

lols.

nth to say liao..

chaos~~

woke up reluctantly at 6am.

for my 8am work.

i really hate to work at 8am or 9am.

coz public transport is so damn crowded.

im still consider lucky coz i almost always will got a seat from my hse bus stop to mrt station.

but when i wana board the train.

most of the times i need to squeezEe in the train.

luckily im small size enough to squeeze in.

-_-

reached work to do my headache crew schedule.

argh~

y must i take over schedule when my store opens 24hrs over the weekends?

its so stressfull lor.

so wat i finished my schedule today very early when there is a down crew situation.

its like equals to nv do.

hais.

i have to call all the stores in my profit centre ask ask for attachment crews.

which means i called 33 stores.

in the end.

only 4stores can spare me crews.

isn't it sad?

hais.

i've already tried my best.

hope tat i will hear some more good news tmr.

i really dont wana see any down crew situation.

i dont wana see all my crews work till very tired.

i dont wana see them work for 8hrs and nv go for break.

its like they worked so hard.

but i cant do anything to lighten their burden.

hais.

think all we can do is to hire more crews ba.

but how?

its so damn difficult to hire crews lor.

hais.

stress..

stress...

stress ahh~

):

tmr im off.

maybe going back store to settle the crew attachment issue.

see im tired or not..

see im lazy or not ba.

haa.

gonna slp le lah.

stress-ed for the whole day liao.

used up all brain cells le.

tired liao.

going to wake my boy up at 6am.

anw fyi~

i've been waking my boy up almost daily at 6am.

irregardless wat shifts i worked.

irregardless wat time i slp.

i will wake him up.

hee.

*loves

missing ya~

im so happy these 2days.

im spent my time wisely and fruitfully with my dear boy.

as i said i wana surprised him.

i planned to wake up at 9am.

but im just still damn sleepy when my alarm trying to wake me up.

ya i emphasised again im damn tired aft 5days work.

haa.

so i continued to slp like a log.

ended up i woke up at 11am.

made a call to him to double check he is not eeting me first.

if not my plan gone.

hee.

okie he's out with his dad.

hmm.

so i start my surprise for him.

guess wat?

i baked cookies for him!!

bleah~!!

surprising?

lols.

hmm.

anw its like kinda not very successful.

i left 1 container for my mum to try.

she reached home aft work and she called me.

asking "wats the BLACK THING in the container?"

i ans "mummy..tats cookies tat i baked"

and followed by her laughter...

-_-

so can u imagine how 'successful' it is?

but i told my boy "although the cookies dont look very nice.but the taste is still there lah.the most impt is i used my HEARTwork to bake it"

hee.

=p

hope he will feel it.

he told me he's surprised by me!

so im successful in surprising him!!

yeahh~

=DD

and hor..

my hand got burnt while baking..

):

a whole day out with my boy and his bro.

when he noe his surprise already.

he actually wanted me to pass to his bro to try.

i said dont want lah.

i paiseh.

lols.

hmm.

boy acc his bro to service his bike at jln bersah.

so am i.

it takes abt half hr to service.

im hungry.

so we went to eat while waiting.

ate yong tou fu as my breakfast-cum-lunch.

aft servicing bike.

we all went sim lim.

coz last week my boy went there to buy a china dual sim card with tv hp.

and now the freaking charger is creating problem.

the seller exchange a adapter for my boy.

aft sim lim.

i went to his hse.

marsiling~

hmm.

i really love the journey from sim lim to marsiling.

coz its a long journey.

im enjoyed the wind.

hugged him from behind.

i smiled to myself.

sounds crazy right?

i smile coz i really feel glad to have him.

den from behind i peek is speed meter.

wow he's riding 120km/hr.

so fast and exciting.

while enjoying the wind.

i think of the past.

still rmb those days we went riding late at night with his friends.

having supper as far away as i dont even noe where am i.

time is not a burden for us.

going home as late as we like.

even b4 i noe him.

went night riding with nina ayu and jun.

we went haunted house cemetry and everywhere.

rmb those days nina and me went home as late as 5am.

slp for few hrs.

den wake up for work.

and of coz tat period of time i think im most rebellious ba.

bleah!

but now no longer like past liao.

if ask me to do this now.

i cant liao.

firstly i dont want my mum to nag at me daily.

secondly my boy dont allow me to slp for a few hrs nia.

thirdly perhaps im old liao..my body cant take it!!

haa.

while i was still thinking the past.

suddenly!!

boy streched out his hand and knocked on my helmet in the middle of espressway.

i was shocked.

and i was like awaken from a dream.

i've got no idea y he knocked my helmet.

did not ask him coz he was riding so fast and i cant even hear wat im trying to say.

when he stopped at traffic light i asked him y.

he told me he wanted to tell me not to afraid as i hugged him so tightly.

i smiled.

silly him.

i hugged u so tightly coz im glad to have him.

hee.

aft all my thinkings and dreams.

we finally reached marsiling.

(:

noe y am i suppose to go his hse?

got motive de.

coz boy's dad wana rip his cd's songs to his hp.

boy and his bro dunno how to do it.

boy asked me noe or not.

i told him i noe.

so he ask me for favour lor.

so went there to to help his dad rip songs to his hp.

i ripped abt 6cd's songs.

my goodness~

funny lor his dad.

the most funny thing is.

his dad wana rip 1 movie to the hp.

so tat he can watch using his hp.

LOL lor.

boy told him its impossible.

he still want us to try.

but in the end i did not try lah.

coz i oso noe its impossible.

haa.

aft ripping songs onto boy's dad hp.

den we went to eat at ard marsiling area with his bro too.

the 3 of us ate zhu chao.

i ate sliced fish bee hoon as my dinner-cum-supper.

b4 our dish is served.

the lady served 3 plates of green chilli and utensils.

i dont eat green chilli de.

hmm.

so when my dish was served.

boy ask me "u dont want the green chilli right"

i say "ya lor i wan red chilli padi"

okie..

the lady walked past.

i asked "xiao jie can i have red chilli padi?"

she ans me "ohh u nv request when u place ur orders den we will only give u green chilli"

i was like wth lor..

i just asked for a plate of red chilli padi she said so much.

she add on "wait ahh i finish my work den i give u"

i ans "okie.."

not long aft tat lady came to ask with the red chilli padi.

she say "next time if u want red chilli padi..ask for it when u placed ur orders"

i said "orh..thank you"

she walked away and i told my boy "no more next time already!!"

WTH lor..

i just ask for a simple red chilli padi.

is it so damn very difficult to walk a few more steps to pass her customer the red chilli padi?!

argh~!!

aft my dinner-cum-supper.

boy parted with his bro and send me home.

hmm yupp again.

from marsiling to my hse is another long journey.

this time round im thinking of the places i went with boy for riding.

IBP.

"99 wan".

mount fabar.

still rmb boy bring me to a park to express feelings to me.

still can rmb how shy and how nervous he was tat time.

so funny.

hee.

but i cant rmb the name of the park!

den suddenly his warm palm rubbing again my cold hand.

think he knew im cold.

felt his warmth.

i dont feel cold at all.

hee.

den i reached home.

parted.

den he went back to punggol.

miss u my boy.

*loves

as for my management meeting and dinner.

i decided not to attend.

but at the very first place i already told james i cant attend.

i told him its my boy's bdae.

and oso its my entitled annal leave.

i can choose not to go back for any meeting or work related stuffs.

since i got the choice.

of coz i choose not to go.

i would rather spend the time with boy.

somemore i planned it a mth ago to go out with him these 2days.

and oso i did not want my boy to have the mindset of my work is impt den him.

hee.

hope james will understand me.

(:

anw..

james=my boss.

this a very long entry.

i very long nv had such a LONG entry le.

think im in the mood of blogging now ba.

haa.

=DD

okie..

its very late now.

my boy wants me to slp le.

hee.

nights all~

(:

23june is my dear boy's bdae.

thru iris and yun's intro.

we went kuishin-bo for lunch.

he still cant make up his mind wat he want for his present.

psp or mp3?

im still waiting for his ans.

haa.

hope i can give him a surprise.

yupp!!

so i must wake up early!!

hee.

=p

dear..
im so sorry.
im always so stubborn.
i oso dunno when i will change.
hais..

hmm dear..

as wat i promised u.

i will celebrate ur bdae every year.

and u oso promised me.

u will celebrate my bdae every year too.

hee.

=p

so damn tired aft working for 5days.

finally i've got to off 2days.

its actually my annual leave.

im just used to work 2 or 3 days den off.

so this week worked 5days straight.

really not used to it.

last time i still can work 6days straight.

tsk tsk tsk...

am i old liao?

hmm...

glad to saw my kallang regular customer at marina.

went over to talk with them.

but so sad their daughter dont rmb me liao.

haa.

her name is so special.

veronica.

hee.

24june is my management dinner.

but my dear took leave.

i wana spend more time with him.

but how abt my management dinner?

hais..

dunno which to choose.

depending where's the dinner ba.

the month of june is really a busy month for me.

nina asked me to plan a date to hang out.

i really cant find time lor.

so busy and tiring.

-_-

will update again soon~!!

=DD

today is finally the day.

no work.

no dates.

stayed at home the whole day.

to REST.

i really lack of rest lor.

worked 5days per week.

off day went shopping or parties.

although not working.

but still tired.

coz go shopping or parties need energy too!!

haa.

it had been a long time ever since i last stayed at home to rest.

actually today i wanted to go back store to do some work de.

but this morning when i woke up im so tired.

so i heck care just continue to slp.

slp till afternoon.

felt so shiock.

lols.

woke up.

eat.

surf net.

play game.

slp.

eat.

surf net.

play game.

watch tv.

tats my whole day agenda.

seems like enjoying life ehh.

lols.

=DD

tmr and sat going to hung ming's and june's party after my opening shift.

think i will be like a dead fish at the end of the day.

bless me~

im missing my boy...

*misses

9june was our 9th.

we been thru quite a number of ups and downs.

we 'happy-ed'.

and we 'sad-ed' too.

we laughed.

and we cried too.

am i right to say that quarrels between couples cant be avoided?

or it can be avoided completely?

my dear do u noe how afraid am i to lose u whenever we quarreled?

thank you my dear for tolerating my temper and nonsense all these while.

i still rmb i told u abt 10mths ago i hope u wont ended up tolerating my temper.

i failed.

im still continueing controlling it.

to be a better gf.

*loves

had took over crew scheduling.

abit more stress and tougher.

i spent 2 whole days to complete my very first week schedule.

i stayed till late night to complete.

im so damn tired.

me and my boy quarrelled over this coz i stayed at work till late night.

-_-

hmm and today i just finished my second week schedule.

i only spent 1 day!

hee.

kinda happy.

proud of myself!

=DD

but my boss told me 'now computerised schedule only need 2hrs to complete!'

i was like 'huh wat?! 2hrs?!'

-_-

i still new wat.

im still learning mah.

phew~

so so so many parties this mth.

first xiu's.

den dex's.

next hung ming's.

next june's.

next mth lu's.

party till drop man~!!

LET'S PARTY!!!

lols.

=DD

OMG~

sth happen today!!

i was at work having meeting.

i heard my crew saying 'tirta someone looking for you'

den as usual im kaypo.

i turn around and take a look.

ehh look like someone i noe too.

den i shouted 'cheyenne!'

i just waved at him coz i was having meeting.

tirta and him talked for quite some time.

aft my meeting i asked tirta 'cheyenne went off already ar?'

tirta say 'ya went off already. u noe him ar?'

i ans 'haa haiya me and him got a long story'

den tirta say 'ohh!! so u are the girl who he crushed on at kallang?'

i was like 'huh wat?! how u noe?!'

tirta told me 'tat time we all at singapore post aft work having supper, he told us lor. he send u to work bla bla bla all these lor...'

i was like OH MY GOODNESS~!!

i asked tirta 'how many ppl were there?'

tirta say 'me, dorothy n somemore lah..cant rmb already'

i told tirta 'my god!!even singapore post managers oso noe the story!!how am i gg to put my face?!?!'

tirta say 'aiya its ok lah..u no longer at kallang already mah..somemore tat time u star..not much ppl noe u'

haa ya hopefully lah ahh.

i asked tirta 'do u find cheyenne is a weird guy?'

tirta ans 'haa ya he's a weird guy'

lols tats y i did not chose him at tat point of time.

i think n chose n pick wisely.

which is my current one.

hee.

to think back.

2 of tat guys came to me almost abt the same time.

den 'my dear' at tat point of time was so sad tat he got a competitor, cheyenne.

he felt so depress and wana give up le.

ah pui was the one who told 'my dear' not to give up.

hee.

so tats we are now.

cute funny and unforgetable memories.

(:

phew~

finally i handed over my payroll to faizal.

not i wana say bad things abt ppl.

but hor.

he is really tat dumb until the stage tat when haffis ask him 'wat is half of 100?'

he can jollywell confidently ans '150'

i was like L-O-L~!!

can u imagine my laughter?!

even haffis oso laugh like crazy.

arghh.

bth faizal~

-_-

and tmr.

i will be taking over schedule.

not an easy task.

but i really hope i can do it successfully.

to ensure all shift managers and crews hassle-free

i will to my BEST~!!

(:

today is 1st june.

it had been 100days ever since my auntie pass away.

cant go pay respect due to my work.

will go some other day with my mum.

well..

its oso been 100days ever since i last contacted them.

are they missing me?

did they go out without me?

i dunno.

i totally got no news abt them.

i do miss them.

i really miss those days.

but now..

everything seem like gone already.

i really dont wish to break this friendship.

but even if till now they all still blame me for not attending the dinner.

im not going to say sorry.

coz no matter wat happen.

kinship is always much more impt than friendship.

i had lost a auntie tat im not able to see her for the rest of my life.

how u expect me to enjoy myself aft the funeral during the dinner?

i will feel guilty.

and the fact is im not suppose to go for any celebration aft a funeral.

does u all understand?

wat u all will do if u are in my shoes?

hais.

on the other hand.

i still rmb i had organised a gathering dinner.

ended up im the organiser who cant attend the gathering.

at least u all bother to give me a 'caring call'.

to ask me 'hey how are u? are u ok?'

i wont forget tat call.

i was so touched by u all.

i did cried at tat point of time.

jies thank you for understanding.

(:

ytd went to xiu's 21st bdae celebration.

i really enjoyed truely thoroughly with my girls.

actually b4 tat when i met iris n lu at tamp.

i felt abit sick.

sorethroat and flu.

full of phlegm at my nose and throat.

but when we all reached the location.

think the atmosphere made me overcome my illness ba.

i was lethagic but ended up loud and energetic.

lols.

the usual my lor.

whole night taking photos.

talking craps.

haa.

at the end of the day.

im tired.

lols.

i loviee u girls ("v")

=DD

hmm well..

can any girls stand ur bf contacting his ex gf behind ur back?

i cant.

i dont mean he cant contact.

he can do it.

at least let me noe lah.

is tat unreasonable?

but y must he do it behind my back?

i felt so damn betrayed.

if im not busybody enough.

he is going to hide it from me forever.

i asked him and tats wat he told me.

so am i consider lucky to be busybody?

im so afraid tat he will turn back.

but i believe in him tat he wont.

on the other hand.

my fear of believing in guys came back.

if he can do this behind my back.

he can do other things behind my back too.

but i believe in him tat he wont do tat to me.

im just over sensative ba.

u teared infront of me.

perhaps ur tears melted my heart.

makes me believe u.

dear i forgive u coz i noe u wont leave me.

i noe u love me truely.

am i right my dear boy?

-_-?

arghhh!

dunno its true or im just sensative.

it seem like tat faizal wana sabo me at work.

if wana sabo me.

pls go do ur homework carefully b4 pinpointing my mistake.

ok?!

i just hate to work the same shift as him!!!

im so happy to hear my crews really enjoyed themselves during the crew outing.

they describe as 'the most fun outing' they ever had.

so my headaches hardwork and sleepless night to organise this outing is worth.

i really worry n tot it wont be a success one.

but ended up its the other way round.

actually i oso need to thank all my crews in supporting me and be so supportive in the games tat i planned for them.

i really hope i will have the chance to organise it again and again for them.

but how many more can i do it?

how long will i be staying at marina?

now..

i really dont feel like transferring out le.

i think its quite difficult to have such crews like them.

im so lucky to be at marina.

(:

i may sound like quite success at work.

but how success can i be at other parts of my life?

today he chose to go out with his brother aft his camp.

so i got nowhere to go aft work.

i decided to stay at work to finish up my stuffs.

work is just endless for me.

but he is angry with me for staying at work aft my working time to finish up my stuffs.

am i in the wrong?

perhaps.

but i dunno.

or he just dont understand tat work is forever endless.

hais.

does guys want girls to make the first move?

y guys cant do it?

i dont understand.

hais.

i just hate to quarrell.

i really hate when he is angry.

his words are so damn hurting.

and made me so afraid to lose him.

hais.

i just feel like crying.

let me be ba...

my first crew outing at marina is over.

i was appointed to organise the outing.

u noe how stress was it?

i booked the chalet.

i called fro food catering.

i need to contact transport thru and fro.

need to organise games and activities fro my crews so tat they wont feel boring.

they wont feel regretted going.

and when the day had finally ended.

tirta told me 'this is the most fun crew outing i ever had'

i was so happy.

i achieved my motive.

it was oso my most fun crew outing too.

though it was not a easy job to contact the chalet

contact the food.

contact the transport.

contact the crews.

contact the managers.

i tot there wont be alot of ppl going.

so i was kind of reluctant.

but just 2days b4 the outing.

i decided to msg all my crews and 'pysco' them to go.

initially i tot less den 50% of crews will attend.

but ended up.

abt 60% of them turned up.

im satisfied le.

hmm.

though my first game was kind of unsuccessfull.

but i can see tat most of them enjoyed the next 2 games i planned for them.

phew~

hee.

the other program is at the sea.

well.

i was thrown into the sea without realising.

its expected already.

so i plan to sabo ppl too.

haffis overheard my 'sabo plan'

he say im cheap.

lols!!

=DD

well anyway.

tot haffis wont enjoy with us.

he still can get along well with us tat day.

hmm.

i saw him so hao lian on the first day i saw him at marina.

abt half a mth liao.

he becoming better already.

its good lah.

work peacefully happily together.

(:

I LOVE CREW OUTING 2008!!!

hmm.

i have not been meeting my dear for 1week le.

miss him wor.

):

hmm.

long long time nv blog le.

well.

lots of things happened.

im so stress until.

at a certain point of time.

i just feel like giving up everything.

including him.

but im noe tat im stupid to think of tat.

im just so tired once again.

mentally tired.

just dont wana do and think anything.

simply i wana take a rest.

i hate to plan things ahead.

i just dunno y the things tat i plan always cant success de.

so fed up de lor.

hais.

watever it is.

over le.

forget it.

today is nan's last day.

quite sad lor.

she has been like my 3rd mother for the past 8mths.

ever since i transferred to marina.

she taught me so much things.

ya she really nagged alot.

but we still having fun while working.

now she gonna transferred out.

no more mum.

no more her naggings.

somehow will miss it.

but most impt is.

we all will miss her much!!

26th may is my first crew outing at marina.

tirta and me organise it.

hope everything goes on smoothly.

i wana enjoy it!!

hee.

=DD

to realise the value of a year...

ask the person who dignosed cancer

the realise the value of a month...

ask a pre-matured baby

to realise the value of a week...

ask a weekly newspaper editor

to realise the value of a day...

ask a daily wage worker

to realise the vaue of an hour...

ask the lovers who waiting anxiously to meet

to realise the value of one minute...

ask the person who just missed the last train

to realise the value of one second...

ask the survival of a car accident

to realise the value of one millisecond...

ask the athelet who came in the race

tats the value of TIME.

are all the statements true?

yup i think its very true.

(:

to study or to work?

to stay or to go?

y in life have to do so much decisions?

the worst thing is the older u get the more things you have to decide.

the worst worst thing is you have to make more and more complex decisions.

i really hate to make decisions.

maybe im used to be a follower.

seldom make decisons since teenage.

so ended up im like this.

really hate myself so so much.

hais.

sometimes i wana make my own decision.

but ppl ard me will psyco me.

so made me so indecisive.

and the fact is.

im actually quite indecisive.

hais.

wat can i do?

im like going crazy le u noe?

hmm.

out of sudden feel like trying something new.

wana try something tat im always telling myself i dont like like.

but wat if i tried le and i really dont like it?

do i have a choice to turn back?

or have to continue with it even though i dont like it?

or have to try another thing le?

hais.

ya tats y im afraid to try something new.

afraid of failures.

tats y im always where i was 5yrs ago.

think if i continue to afraid and scared all the way.

think 50yrs later im still doing the same old stuff?

hais dunno lah.

can anyone guide me wat i suppose to do now?

shld i try or not to try?

went to yun's 21st bdae celebration.

happy and glad for her afterall.

(:

im like always creating problems.

i noe im giving him stress.

but im just cant control my emotions.

hais.

i must be understanding.

i must compromise with his schedule.

but i want him to acc me.

i dont wana be alone.

i hate to be alone.

but how?

wat can i do?

wat can he do?

we both really wonders.

hmm.

had been like so busy for the past 3weeks.

12mar my bro POP.

went to attend with my mother.

15mar he went to ns.

went to send him with his friends.

i did not break your promise wor.

am i guai?

hee.

but tats the day tat we start to spend lesser time le.

tats wat i hate to admit the fact.

18mar went to dinner and dance at zouk.

hmm not as fun as expected ba.

maybe coz i stick to june and faridah.

they dont go this kind of places de.

so like boring.

went off quite early oso.

19mar the day aft my dinner and dance got sore eyes.

went to see doctor to get mc.

haa.

20mar the next day went back to msia.

haa not purposely go take mc de hor!

at the same time he book out on tat day too.

quite sad tat cant go fetch him.

hmm.

went msia.

saw my newly born cousin and niece.

hee.

and oso to get my hair perm by my cousin.

hee.

glad tat till now no one says its ugly.

lols.

came back singapore on 23mar.

finally can see him le.

for tat past week.

when he is in camp can only talk to him for less den 10mins.

when he book out le contact thru few msg and calls.

coz oversea msg and calls is ex!!

haa.

miss him~

hmm.

had comeover the fear le.

(:

25mar went to batam with all my colleauges.

really all 9 of us all turn up.

so happy!!

=D

met tirta in the train abt 0720.

reached harbourfront abt 0745.

den both of us met bee eng there den realise actually we took the same train.

haa.

den 3 of us went to have kfc breakfast.

james already there le.

tried their breakfast.

not as nice.

haa.

den francis firdaus dennis nan n faizal went kfc to look for us.

aft breakfast went to catch our ferry at 1000.

this is the first time in my life went to another country other den msia.

haa.

so excited.

the tourguide brought us to 2 temple.

had seafood lunch.

had massage.

first time had massage.

really feels good lr.

s$20 for one and a half hrs.

consider damn cheap ba.

haa.

had shopping.

dont really have enough time to shop.

imagine we used run to shop ard.

sounds so kua zhang lor.

lols.

ended up.

i only bought myself a s$12 odm watch.

lols.

the rest i bought is all food.

6donuts which look and taste like donut factory's.

only cost s$4.50

cake lapis s$11.

which singapore are selling $30 to $40.

my goodness~

we oso went a&w to have our favouite root float and the waffle ice cream~!!

yummy!!

something tat cant find in singapre anymore le.

haa.

=DD

aft tat den go back singapore le.

abt 2000 we rached singapore.

really enjoyed myself.

=DD

28mar going to yun's bdae chalet.

but still have to work.

sians~

hmm.

found myself changed alittle.

as in did not irritate him tat much to make him angry le.

im not as stubborn as before.

hope tat he can see and feel the changed.

i dont wana stress him out.

(:

i TOT last few days before he go ns we can spend more time together.

but the fact is.

we have lesser time for each other.

i dunno y.

when im working he is at home.

when he is working im at home doing nth.

like today.

so wat i off on sunday.

but he is working.

hais.

the higher my expectation.

the greater dissapointment i will get.

happy belated 6th!!

(:

had decided to register to SIM.

but no money to study.

sians.

register hopefully got a place for me first.

den consider to study this yr or next yr ba.

hmm seems like they are using different ways to suan me.

or am i thinking too much?

they seems like more happy without my presence.

is our friendship still exist?

i always tot im the luckiest one to have friends ten over yrs.

but seems like im wrong this time.

ended up they are the ones who dont understand me.

made me sad and stress for so many days.

shld i make the first move?

or they shld start the ball rolling?

so happy to see kor kor visited me at work today.

he looks more fresher den the past week.

perhaps tat week was his most difficult days during his life ba.

kor kor jia you!!

stay happy!!

=D

well anyway i saw one grp of nyp lecturers at my work just now.

so damn shocked.

think due to the IT fair at suntec.

somemore tat grp are those tat i dont like most.

eee~

i run away first lor.

haa.

out of sudden i miss michelle.

i miss my ai ren.

my poly best friends ba.

im just closer to the 2 of them den others.

meet up!!

hee.

im wondering who are the ones still reading my blog.

if u are.

think u must be good in html ba.

haa.

she asked me for my pw.

i did not reply.

perhaps the trust is not there le ba.

i LOVE my family~

i LOVE my friends~

i LOVE my dear~

=p

now i noe who are my friends.

and who are not my friends.

its really so damn true tat dont judge a book by its cover.

i really got nothing to say if they think im tat kind of ppl.

but still.

thank god tat i always have my jies have me all while.

once a while receive call from them really made me feel warm.

although i did not turn up for gatherings.

but im not forgotten by them.

im not being blamed by them.

they understand me.

true friend dont need alot.

1 or 2 its enough.

yup now i really noe.

hmm.

the older i am.

i realise more and more things.

i been through thru more and more.

now i wana put all of my unhappiness aside.

treasure my last 10days with my bf b4 he go ns.

slim down eat lesser so tat i can be pretty on my dinner and dance at zouk on 18march.

den go on leave back to my beloved malaysia hometown on 20 to 23march.

hopefully can go batam with my management team to relax ourselves as our reward coz we all work real hard.

lols.

yup!

dont waste time and energy to think and worry abt stuffs tat made me sad.

might as well think how to be happy right?

hee.

=p

hais.

its really painful to see someone leaving this world right infront of ur eyes.

i really cant rmb when is the last time i visited her.

and now she's gone.

gone forever.

at least im there to acc her during very last journey and till her very last breathe.

kor kor u must take care k?

i noe u love ur mother very much.

im sure ur mother noes it too.

i believe tat ur mother will be having good life too at the other world tat we cant see.

kor kor i will always rmb wat u had told me the past few days.

actually i felt great too to meet up 2 of my closer kor kor.

the rest not close de.

den i realise im the 'princess'.

coz im the only girl at our generation.

haa.

instead of being dote.

i got bullied from the 2 kor kor.

so bad.

1 asked me to buy psp for his bdae present.

1 asked me to buy air ticket for his bdae present.

-_-

life is unpredictable.

2mths b4 i lost 1 family member.

i did not went coz its during my bdae week my mother dont allow me to go.

den 2mths aft lost another one.

hais.

so wat if i look fine today.

who noes wat will happen to me tmr?

losing a family menber forever is already heartpain.

at the same time.

i think i had lost 4 friends.

i dunno y.

i dunno how.

i dunno wat.

i dunno when.

hais.

my nightmare is finally here.

the news i dont wana hear eventually still has to be heard.

the day i dont wana it to arrive will be arriving in 22days.

15march2008

dont stop me from crying.

let me be.

dear im going to miss you very very very much...

i really dunno how to survive without u le.

for the past 6mths i had been sticking u so closely.

i cant imagine how my life will be like without u.

dear dont worry k?

i will be strong de.

i will be waiting for u de.

love u my dear.

(:

hais.

y i just cant do well in the things i do?

morale reallie damn low now.

y they can do it but i cant?

made me no more confidence.

feel like avoiding it.

hais.

ya well perhaps failure is always a failure ba.

wat can i do when im sad?

cry?

sleep?

do nothing?

daydream?

anyone can tell me?

wat can i do to relise stress?

shout?

yell?

scream?

or cry?

hais.

i dont want this kind of life.

i wana be happy.

i dont wana be sad.

i wana to smile.

i ont wana to cry.

but how?!?!

now im really confuss tat whether i wana be alone or i need an accompanyment.

when im alone how i wish there's someone to talk to me so tat i wont feel down.

but sometimes how i wish ppl can leave me alone so tat i can cry to myself.

hais.

wat i really want lah?

i really wonder.

ohh ya i forget to mention.

well maybe i said it damn long time ago.

so those who are new to my blog wont noe.

i hate ppl to talk abt my blog details outside.

dont discuss it among ppl too!!

once u read it.

either u rmb it and shut up.

or jolly well u can just forget it.

and if u feel offended.

sorry.

its my blog afterall.

dont like it den just simply dont read!

i dont mind.

my purpose of blogging is to pour out all my feelings.

happiness and sadness.

if i allow u to say it out or discuss among group.

y i still bother to blog?

i might as well write and put on newspaper.

den ALL will noe.

no need ppl to talk abt it.

ya.

tats another reason y am i tat angry tat day.

n oso the reason y i changed my password.

hmm had been 2weeks ever i last blogged.

cny is over.

yup first time in my memory i celebrate cny in singapore.

went chinatown on the eve.

first day and second day of cny went for movie.

of coz i simply love being with him.

but others just cant understand me.

out of sudden aft our happy dinner gathering.

she came against me.

worst thing is.

not directly.

is indirectly.

y wana pass msg?

just tell me straight.

still say we are friends for more den 10yrs.

for tat fucking 10yrs u dont understand me?

ya perhaps u have not.

i dont feel hurt for those words u said to me.

i felt so damn fucking angry.

more den u told someone to pass the msg to me tat u're pissed with me.

how i wana treat my bf is my prob.

how u wana treat ur bf its ur hell god damn prob.

y wana interfere?

i just feel tat wasted my effort treating u as my friend.

wat a FRIEND!!

wat made me real damn mad was.

she went round telling ppl tat im wrong.

i shld change.

i just wana stop the small matter to become big matter.

i told her 'ok stop it'

den again she went round telling ppl tat i had admitted tat im in the wrong.

i will change.

wat the fuck~?!

wat she meant by tat?

telling ppl tat she had won the battle?

and i had lost?!

fuck off~!!

ARGH!!!

aft tat.

i kept on thinking.

wat had i achieve in my life?

think think think.

seems nothing.

feels like im a failure.

mother always nagging tat im not a good daughter.

bf commented im selfish and stubborn.

friends say tat i neglected them.

boss say tat i had not done a good job.

see.

wat and where else im good at?

im like a failure in all areas in my life.

TOTAL FAILURE~

hais...

hmm came back from work.

i feel much much more tired to work opening den working closing.

coz if i worked opening i only slp for like 3hrs.

den if i work closing i still can slp 6 to 8hrs.

haa.

anyway my boss like treat me so nice like tat.

tmr and sun im off.

den cny 1st and 2nd im off.

actually i only request off on 1st day nia.

but 2nd day im off too!

so happy.

lols.

but off where can i go?

im not like the rest go around visiting relatives.

so i dunno where to go and wat to do.

but luckily both of the days he is not working too.

hee.

cny dinner ah cny dinner.

still rmb we had it last yr.

so fun.

having the lao yu sheng.

wana have it again this yr.

(:

back from work.

hmm my feb schedule still not out.

sians.

are we having any renuion dinner this yr?

seems like no one starting the ball rolling.

later i plan le last min give excuses and less den 50% of the ppl turn up.

its like wasting my effort planning.

heart pain de leh.

once again to plan a gathering is not a easy job.

hais.

see my mood lah.

wana plan or not.

but if i nv plan.

when are we going to meet up again?

till one day dont care abt each other?

eventually forget one another?

hais hais hais.

i really wat to do le lah.

the more i think.

the more my heart feel hurt.

can someone pls advice?

if i were to ask u 'wat do u see urself in 3yrs time?'

wat ur ans will be?

im being asked this qns by my business consultant.

i crapped one big round with her.

but actually i dont really understand wat the hell im trying to say.

im like a person with no goals in my life.

i dunno wat i wana do in the future.

and of coz i dunno wat will i be doing in the future.

am i going to continue to persue my dream?

i want to.

but im scared of failure again.

how many yrs can i try?

1yr?

2 yrs?

5yrs?

or 10yrs?

arghh.

forget it.

i will stay watever im now.

hais.

im really afraid to think far.

i just hope tat everyday have a better tmr.

im satisfied.

phew~

had been working like mad the past few days.

dont say le lah.

angry.

fed up.

but i cant do anything.

ya.

unlike last time.

can revenge.

but now.

wat i can do is.

to suffer myself.

hais.

anyway those hard days are over.

went shopping aft work with candice to relax myself ba.

i went back to the same shop to get another dress.

tube dress this time round.

something new.

something tat i did not have before.

hee.

candice bought the same as me too.

hmm well.

actually is i bought the same one as her.

coz is she the one who spot it first.

hee.

den we bought the same sandels.

and oso the same wedges.

hee.

happie happiee~!!

=DD

yup think im done with my cny shopping le.

dont wana spend somemore liao.

think i had spent more den 200bucks liao leh.

=x

bRoKe~

ohh ya!

had watched rambo 4 few days back with him.

its like omg lor.

so er xin~!!

errrrr...

just came back from work.

tired~

3crews nv turned up for work.

-_-

made 3managers worked like mad dogs.

haa.

tired is tired.

things tat i wana to be done i still can do it.

maybe not all have the same thinking as me.

well.

i need to be more understanding ba.

hmm... ...~

actually im so mood-less de.

but aft talking to my goon du friend junaina.

i feel better.

hmm.

it had been a long time ever we talk on phone.

we seldom talked too le.

aft i transfer out from kallang.

to marina square.

den she transfer out to funan.

den attach to T3.

aft tat back to funan.

now tell me she wana resign.

wth~

i just promoted.

den she wana resigned.

still promised me to go D&D this year together.

idiotic she~

-_-

yeah yeah.

talking abt D&D.

its abt on march.

hee.

looking forward for it!!

=p

not working today.

feeling so damn tired and lazy.

dont feel like doing anything and going anywhere.

just came back from work.

my nose is killing me.

sneeze and sneeze for the whole day.

abt a week le lor.

bth~

yeah yeah.

came back from shopping at queensway.

he got his shoe.

i got my skinny jeans.

=DD

but.

he claims tat i look fat although tats SKINNY jeans.

so sad!!

i still buy it.

coz.

he only tell me aft i paid.

-_-''

to my surprise.

he brought me to ecp aft tat.

y surprise?

coz i was told to close my eyes almost 3/4 of the journey.

its like takin roller coaster in the dark.

felt so giddy.

den when i open my eyes.

yeah im at ecp!

i like to go there.

to slack.

to enjoy the sea breeze.

to listen to the sea wave

hee.

=p

aft two off days.

later going to work at 330pm.

like to work closing shifts.

coz im a night lfe person.

haa.

just came back from our shopping trip.

well perhaps is HIS shopping trip instead ba.

coz he is the one who bought lotsa stuffs while im empty handed.

lols.

went bugis street.

he bought himself one jeans and two tops.

is guys jeans tat ex?

59bucks for one?

omg~

haa.

actually wana get myself another skinny.

but tat particular shop is damn lots of ppl.

so i changed my mind not to get it.

haa.

we went to catch ONE MISSED CALL.

nice movie.

coz i like horror mah.

haa.

horror-ness: 9/10

storyline: 6.5/10

the lead actor died and the story somehow got no ending.

and oso dunno how the whole story actually started.

haha.

well but still kinda recommanded.

anyway is it true tat watching horror movies is like wasting money to scare urself?

perhaps its true for those who are scared and dont like.

but.

i like it.

LOLs~!!

=DD

surprisingly he is not working today.

surprise coz i dunno it at all.

haha.

think we might be going to queensway coz he wana get shoes.

think i might can get skinny there.

grab some tops if i can find any.

hee.

another shopping trip on 28!!

haha.

with dolly and candice.

maybe lisa too,

wana get shoes tat day.

hee.

yeah yeah yeah~

shop shop shop till drop before cny!!

=p

today is sunday.

so happy tat im off.

tmr im off too.

its so great tat having 2 off days straight.

already planned to go out today.

but i dunno how is the plan going on.

i looking forward for today for a very long time.

supposely to be happy.

but..

sads.

seriously is very difficult to handle family work friends and bf all at one time.

i believe everyone dont wish to neglect any of it.

tat including me.

so wat can i do to have equal and sufficient time for all?

went for dinner.

shun bian went to kallang mcd to visit them.

so sad lor.

they say i getting fatter liao.

OMG~!!!

i really need to do sth abt it lor.

hais

haha.

no jogging today.

coz he finishing work at 7pm instead of 11pm.

going out for dinner later.

hee.

and dunno y these few days i had been sneezing for the whole day.

he miss me too much?

lols.

=D

just feel uncomfortable.

excuse?

haa.

but still i wana slim down!!

but how?!?!

argh... ...

hmm.

another working day had past.

and today im off again.

think im gonna stay at home again.

wana go jogging.

hope the weather wont be bad.

haa.

dunno y i somehow looking forward for cny.

kinda excited abt it.

hee.

=p

planned to go jogging just now in the evening de.

but heavy rain.

my plan is ruined.

-_-

yup finally i uploaded photos in my friendster le.

aft 2mths i guess

haa.

hmm its wednesday le.

well im not working today.

gonna stay at home to slack the whole day.

it had been a very very long time ever since i last slack at home whole day.

haa.

haiya suet ah suet.

i dunno wat to say abt myself lor.

sensitive is ok.

but y am i forever OVER sensitive de.

actually nth happen.

made me so damn afraid to go work.

yup.

at least now think i dont need to worry tat much le ba.

my confidence is back again.

im willing to learn form my mistake.

and wont let history happen again.

(:

seriously shit.

i wana slim down b4 cny~!!

=DD

yup cny is less den a mth time.

cny shopping started but has not end.

gonna shop more!

hee.

this cny will be very different ba.

im not going back malaysia for cny.

aft 19yrs?

haa i dunno when i was baby i did went back or not.

at least 12yrs i celebrated cny at malaysia.

but this yr cant.

first due to i cant take leave for the whole feb.

isn't it idiotic?

hais.

secondly my bro in ns le.

tats y.

hais.

i miss my ah yi.

i miss my jiu jiu(s).

i miss my cousins esp my fav biao jie!!

and lastly definately i miss my 7 cutest nicece and nephews~!!

):

its MONDAY~!!

a brand new week.

forget abt last week.

and start new.

be happy.

(:

had watched the movie LINGER by zai zai.

not too bad.

rating 7/10

im back to online spree le~!!

omg!!

lols.

hope i wont be addicted once again and spend ALOT.

haa.

hais.

im so sad.

im so afraid.

im so stress.

im such a failure.

in the past im so confident tat i can do my job properly.

but actually i dont have tat much capabilities.

or am i having to much confidence in myself.

im too proud le?

i believe tat ALL human being make mistake right?

actually i shld learn from mistake.

instead of learning.

i repeat the same mistake.

again again.

and now im losing confidence le.

i dont feel like doing it le.

im so scared.

im afraid to overcome my fear.

i hope i can run away from the problem.

but i noe i cant.

i need to pay responsible to wat i had done.

hais.

working is so fucking stress.

i really got the mindset of dont wana work le.

i wana go study.

aft this matter had happened.

the more i wana go study.

am i trying to avoid the problem?

or i just really wana study.

i cant differentiate.

hais.

i really wana cry le.

i dunno wat to do le.

i cant do or say anything but only to say SORRY.

i dunno how am i going to face her tmr.

i dunno how she going to nag at me.

i dunno whether i can hold on my tears or not.

but i hope i can.

coz i dont wana let my crews see tat im not strong.

hais its not easy to act and pretend.

no one else can help me except myself.

think tmr i need to face the 'music'.

den next build up my confidence once again,

and lastly overcome the fear ba.

hope this plan will really work ba.

(:

ITS SATURDAY~!!

and im not working.

hee yeah.

=p

yup yup.

year 2008 had past 1 week plus le.

let me list out my resolutions.

1. to be a good daughter

2.to be a good gf

3.to save more money and spend less

4.slim down

5.to get into nus to study mathematical sciences

6.to get my driving licence

happy 2008~!!

(:

back home.

im so so so tired.

i dunno im tired coz of work.

or tired coz of the medication tat cause drowsiness.

started work at 0715.

ended work at 1615.

going to meet dear aft work.

but he finish work at 1800.

so i stayed in store to do some of my paper work den go off.

had not list my 2008 resolutions yet.

got some on mind.

will post it on my next post.

im so damn sleepy le.

i wana go slp liao.

good night everyone~

(:

o0o.

so so so long nv update le.

hee paiseh ah.

my bdae over.

celebrated with my 4 crazy girls.

celebrated with my 3 jies.

celebrated with my dear.

im happy.

im contented.

(:

xmas over.

no outings.

no countdown.

just being with him at the very first moment of xmas.

(:

new year over.

again no celebration.

no countdown..

just dont feel like being in the crowd.

having him watching fireworks with me.

im glad.

im happy.

acutally tat is one of my wish long ago.

to watch fireworks with my love one.

i just find it so romantic.

hee.

finally my wish come true during the very first moment of the year 2008.

hope year 2008 will be a good year for me.

(:

my bro just went into ns.

'where boy become man'

lols.

wish him good luck.

all the best.

endure and tolerate.

(:

so i think i can be online more often le ba.

haa.

im sick.

just went to see doctor.

had fever while working ytd.

had panadol felt much better,

but my throat is still hurting me.

even eating and drinking is hurting me like hell~!!

hais.

i hate to be alone.

i really feel miserable when im alone.

i hate saying bye.

coz im afraid tat will be the last moment of everything.

i hate empty promises.

its really hurt when u say it but did not do it.

despite its just a small matter.

met him.

feel so much better aft seeing him.

had been worrying for him for past 2 days.

he kind of settle himself down.

he claim tat he felt much more better.

he dont wana let me noe in the first place coz he dont wana me to worry.

he oso dont wan me to disturb him coz he already damn stress out.

he only call me the next early in the morning to inform me.

think wat can i do now so tat i wont feel so useless is to be with him.

by his side when he need someone most.

like now.

(:

ytd actually i really wana go pei him de.

but im working.

now i cant say dont go work den go work le.

unlike last time.

so really no mood to work.

den just now he told me if im the one in his suituation.

he will not go work and come pei me.

i noe he is not indirectly saying tat i did not go pei him.

but i still feel like of hurt.

not i dont want.

is i cannot.

hais.

from wat i noe.

guy's pride are high.

im so afraid tat now he is in this suituation.

he will leave me.

from wat i see.

i think i hope i pray i believe tat he wont do tat to me.

(:

girl~

thanks for ur msg.

*BIG hug*

im so touch to see tat msg.

i dunno is to smile or to cry.

i did not reply coz if i did think my tears will drop.

but when i reached home.

i read it again.

my tears did drop.

hais.

im still the girl i used to be.

cry so damn easily.

i tot i had became strong.

but actually im have not.

im still 'not a strong girl'.

like before.